calm my anxious heart

I have a list of books that I hope to read this break and the first one I started is called Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment by Linda Dillow. The reason I chose to read this one first is because I feel as though even though I have developed more patience over the semester, that didn't mean I was necessarily content with the way things were turning out. So far, this book has been amazing. There was a little story that was in it that really put God's control in my life in perspective so I thought I would share it with you:

"I need oil," said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. "Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain so that its tender roots may drink and swell. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. "Lord," prayed the monk, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee." And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. "Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost, but at evening it died.

Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk and told his strange experience. "I, too, planted a little tree," he said, "and see! It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition. I fixed not ways or means. 'Lord, send what it needs,' I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou hast made it and Thou dost know'" (P.19).


This story was so good for me to hear because it reminded me of how often I pray for what I think I need, when really I should be praying for God to send me what He knows I need. He knows me better than I ever will and I love the quote: "He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me." This is what God is telling me every day:

"Morgan, let Me be the Blessed Controller. Surrender. Accept my timing. Accept my ways. Accept my outcome. Let your trust be in Me alone. Morgan, make secret choices that will honor Me. Though no one sees your choices or knows how difficult they are, make them for Me."

a stir in me

I have been meaning to blog for a few days now, but I have been super busy with the most random things. I know, I know; break is a time of rest and relaxation, but that has not been the case.

Random things in the past few days:

1)I got so emotional leaving CBU for this CHRISTmas break for some reason. As I was packing things up and checking girls out, I really felt God stirring something in my heart. I can't quite figure out what yet, but I feel like even though I am not done with this school year, last semester was a closing of some chapter in my life and next semester will be the start of a new one. That sounds weird. I don't know what was going on, but I kinda got choked up and may have cried before I left, may have... :)

2)Running in the rain yesterday was simply amazing and I have come to the conclusion that I think I like running in the rain better than in the sunshine. Even though it was absolutely freezing, I loved the feeling of running with the rain hitting my face; being outdoors just seems to speak to me.

3)We celebrated CHRISTmas tonight since we are leaving and I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing the look on people's faces as they open gifts. That brings joy to my heart.


So these are just a few of the things, I wish I had my journal with me so I could write more of the things that I wanted to. Please keep my family in prayer as we travel to northern california. We keep hearing that the roads are rough and we don't want to get stranded, although I keep telling my family that would be awesome. OK so maybe a little cold and cramped, but what a great story to tell. I think I texted most of my friends saying Merry Early CHRISTmas, but if not: MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I am turning my phone off again until next Tuesday night.

a season of "wooing"

Wooing. To "woo" someone is a verb; an action where someone is seeking to find affection with another individual and according to Webster, it usually ends in marriage. I always thought this was a funny word, but the thought of being "wooed" is actually rather intimate and personal.

Some of you may know that this semester I stepped out of my normal "personal" boundaries and actually let someone start to woo me. I have never been good with letting people in, out of fear of getting hurt, but this semester I did. I let someone pursue the thought of getting to know me on a more intimate level and I must say, that the pure thought that knowing someone so desperately wants to get to know you because they want to be with you forever is simply breathtaking. It's that type of thing where your heart kind of skips a beat when you know that someone truly desires to know your desires and makes an effort at speaking to you in your own love language.

I let this person take me out on weekly dates just the two of us and I truly seeked getting to know Him better too. [If the suspense is killing you as to who this mystery man is, just be patient...that is something that I have learned this semester; patience.] Anyways, tonight I took a break from studying and went on my last weekly date before the winter break with this man. It was simply amazing. We walked around the plaza drinking coffee and talking about, well personal stuff, and then ended the night in the Word. I don't know if I have ever felt more spoken to in awhile. OK OK, you have probably figured out that this mystery man is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by my capital "Him's" and talk of "seeking" each other; sorry, I just had to start this thing out a little more creative.

The point of this is: God is a God that truly seeks to be the lover of our souls. He wants to know the depths of us and our inner-most desires. He wants to be the center of our life and talk to us constantly throughout the day, not just before meals and as you crawl into bed. Getting to know Him this semester on an intimate level was seriously the most amazing thing I could have ever challenged myself to do. Talk about being "wooed," He is the ULTIMATE wooer; if that is even a word. Currently, as talked about in my previous blog, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing is my favorite song. I have been researching and breaking down every line in that song, trying to figure out why it has been sticking out to me. While on tonights little date, that song played to my heart instead of my head through my little, pink headphones. This is the main part that I heard: Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee...here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for the courts above. Then I realized; I am in love with this song because this is my desire: I want God to bind my heart to His, like a fetter. [a fetter are those iron shackles that were put around prisoners feet as to ensure they could not run away]. I want to give Him my heart and make sure that He helps me take care of it for when I go home to Him.

We are commanded to "guard our hearts for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23), but I don't think that meant to guard our hearts from Him. I know so many people that stay guarded even in their prayers out of fear that God will see them for who they really are or something crazy like that, let me tell you a secret: HE ALREADY KNOWS. Open up and let Him in. Embrace the love He so longingly wants to give you and allow for Him to change you into the woman or man that you are supposed to become in His image.

Better yet: Let Him take you out on a date. Say "yes" because He wants to woo you, now you just have to let Him...

my ebenezer

Come Thou Font of Every Blessing.

This was a hymn written in 1758 by a man named Robert Robinson. I don't know if everyone has heard this song, but it stresses the joy of Christianity and the immense need for Christians to rely fully on the Lord. One of the verses in this hymn says, "Here I raise my ebenezer." What in the heck is that? I mean sometimes we sing this in church, but the first thing that comes to my mind is Ebenezer Scrooge and the story of Christmas. I think this is what first spurred my interest.

Anyway, the term ebenezer means: my rock or stone of help. This verse about ebenezer in the hymn is actually a quote from 1 Samuel and it is describing the battle between the Philistines and the Israelites and long-story short, Samuel raises a stone that he calls ebenezer, to remind his people of how God was faithful in helping them in battle.

So how does this apply to me writing this blog? I think that with this season of finals and busy-ness of life that I feel caught up in, today God graciously gave me some amazing alone time with Him in the prayer chapel and in reading the Bible they have in there, I was reminded that no matter what happens in life, finals, school, whatever, God will always be faithful in helping me with whatever "Battles" I may be in.

In light of the Christmas season, I bought a new Bible today [along with a new bible highlighter, which is basically a more expensive colored pencil] and realized that my Bible, is my version of Samuel's ebenezer. Any time that I feel down or impatient or simply need something to put my problems or fears on, I can look at my Bible and be reminded of all the promises that are in it. The Bible is a tangible object that represents my rock, my stone of help, my ebenezer: my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus.

i like this version, very calming:

a week of thanks

This past week of being with my family was seriously amazing. I love these people so much and even though some of them live close, I feel as though I still don't really get to see them often. So for Thanksgiving this year, my family left to go see my grandparents and the rest of my family up in northern california in a little town called: Cedarville. After classes and being on "duty" Tuesday night, I flew up to Reno, Wednesday morning, where my cousin Cassie picked me up to drive four additional hours to the rest of the family and that is where it all began. I just wanted to post a few pictures, those that meant the most to me and could describe my trip best. If you want to see more check out my facebook in the album titled: more like a week of thanks. :)

this is the before and after shot of my dinner plate:)

here are a few shots of me cutting my cousin and my dad's hair....

and this is my grandpa's GOLF card game face...

this are some shots before we went shooting and during...

this is the cutest little puppy named PANDA...
and that is a picture of my sister, Lauren, and I as we travel the long road home. nothing says road trip like a nice cup-o-joe, mascara from the night before, and a hoodie. So what was I most thankful for this Thanksgiving? F.A.M.I.L.Y.

questioning God's existence

I don't think that I will ever truly understand God, but frankly I am ok with that. I am ok with not being able to describe something so unbelievably indescribable because why would I want to limit my God to my human words? He is so much more than any word or words that I could come up with.

You may be wondering what is the purpose and meaning of my title and what is that strange picture on the top right; or maybe you have heard of laminin and can already guess what I might write about. Before I begin to explain, I feel as though I should preface this blog with this: I was always raised in a loving home, but I remember a time in my life when I questioned God's existence. I remember crying in my room and saying, "there is no possible way that there is a God" and feeling so unbelievably alone. Each person has a different story to tell and I am forever grateful and in awe of the way that God has transformed my life.

Recently, I was on a mini-staff retreat with my church and in one of our sessions, we watched a sermon by a guy with the last name Giglio [the first name slips me, sorry]. Now, I have heard many times about the "size of the universe" and "all the things that my body does without me knowing," but this sermon mentioned something I have never heard before [maybe you have]. It talked about our body having a certain cell body that we could not possibly live without, because to put in simple terms: it is the glue that holds everything inside of us together. LAMININ. Laminin is a cell structure composed of three parts: "b" chain, "g" chain, and an "a" chain. This cell structure is the "glue" in a sense that holds all the cells we have in our body together. [You can see the picture of this in the top right corner of my blog.]

Notice the shape of this "glue." Notice it is made up of THREE parts. Hmmm...it would appear to be in the shape of a cross and coincidentally, our God is a triune God meaning he is also made up of three parts; Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. With all of this information, it would seem impossible for one to read this and still be able to question God's existence. Believe me, had I heard this back when I was struggling with the mere concept of God, it would have been extremely hard for me to continue to think that there was no God.

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created, things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authority; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things HOLD TOGETHER" (Colossians 1:15-17). ALL THINGS HOLD TOGETHER.

Do you realize that there are tens of thousands of these little cross-shaped Laminin in your body? God designed us this way from the very beginning. How can people hear things like this and still not believe? Better yet, how can one look out into the ocean; witness something miraculous like a baby being born; watch the sun rise or set; or simply see someone as broken as I used to be, transform into something that continuously leaves me without words; and still be able to question God's existence? God is an omniscient [infinitely aware, complete knowledge], omnipresent [present at all times], and omnipotent [almighty] God. He is indescribable and we are truly undeserved of His mercy and grace.

LOVE vs HATE

How do you respond to people in regards to PROP 8 when they say PROP 8 = HATE and think this proposition is Christian's expressed hate towards homosexuals? Now this is the tricky part of the question because I know that one could easily refer to the Bible and God's design for marriage, but for those people that instantly are turned off as soon as God or the Bible are brought up, are there ways one could answer this question from a secular point of view to express that it is not "hate?"

If yes, then how would one go about answering this?

Or, since this is a societal moral issue, does one still bring God into the answer and hope that the listening receipient does not take it as having the Gospel crammed down their throat? It is invitable that people are not going to like any answer but the one that tells them "they can get what they want," but then what is the best way to answer this question?

Something that I heard in a discussion today was maybe first start off by asking what that person's definition of "hate" is and then go about answering it that way. Which is a good idea, but then how do you continue it from there...

Hmmm...this is such a sticky situation. Like Pandora's Box was just opened and now who knows what is going to happen. I feel like this proposition will definitely make it to the ballots again. I want to be prepared in my answers and not sound like the "hypocritical" Christian. What are your guys' thoughts on this...

Romans 13:1

Regardless of who you voted for: as Christ followers we need to pray for Obama and Biden and their time in office. God already knew the outcome of this election. We have to trust that He will be present and sovereign in everything that is to come...

11-04-08

This day is going to make history. I am not going to tell you which way to vote, but I am going to tell you TO VOTE!!! Every vote counts guys :)

GET OUT THERE AND ROCK THE VOTE!!!

crazy love

read this. simply amazing.

SEX and chocolate

I don't understand why some people put such a negative connotation on that word: SEX. Sex was not meant to be a bad thing, it was created to be something beautiful between a man and a woman ONCE they are married. It's a gift from God and yet society makes it out to be something so negative that when I made signs for our "sex and chocolate" event, someone actually ripped off the word SEX from my sign. I spent 6 hours making signs and posters to plaster the school with and then someone steals one word from the sign? WHY? Were you offended by the word or are you simply perverted and have it hanging up in your room?

I don't know if people knew that event was meant to answer questions about being able to protect our heart with all the sexual desires in this world. Even though people ripped down signs, parents called the school complaining and students decided to go to Dr. Ellis; over 130 girls came to the event Friday night and I think that it went SOOO unbelievably well. There are tons of questions that girls AND boys have about sex from both a biblical and secular standpoint and this event was meant to answer those questions, which I feel that it did.

Just a heads up: THERE WILL BE A SEX AND CHOCOLATES PART TWO FOR MEN AND WOMEN NEXT SEMESTER and I encourage everyone to go. It was seriously so helpful even just to know that everyone else is struggling just as much as you, when it seems we are alone because for some reasons a lot of so-called "Christians" like to act like they are perfect.

If we were perfect then please tell me: what is holding Jesus up on that cross? Our "perfectness?" NO. Our sins. The Bible says that "all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God..." (Romans 3:23)...

It's time to get real about our struggles with each other. We will never be able to overcome sin if we do it alone, we are called for fellowship...I challenge everyone to get an accountability group or partner. Share your struggles, pray to get over them, but realize that you most likely DO HAVE a sin that you are struggling with. You are not perfect. NO ONE IS EXCEPT JESUS. It's hard to get over something alone, we need each other. For all you visual people: When you go rock-climbing, can you do it alone? No, right? You need someone watching you and holding onto your rope to make sure that you don't fall and even if you slip down a little bit, your partner never lets you hit rock bottom...

my prayer for now...

"...Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten..."


-Brandon Heath

October fast approaching

Oh life. The saying that "when it rains, it pours" rings true for my life. I think that I mentioned in my previous blog that I was an intern this summer at my church working in the children's department and absolutely loved it. This was a summer of growth for me and then school started. I won't sit here and complain about things that have happened already as this year has began, but one thing I will say is that sometimes I wish I wasn't so empathetic because there have been days where I have been too emotionally affected by other people's problems as if they were my own and it has started to take an effect on me. There have been times where I wish that I didn't care so much. Some of my close friends that I have talked to about this have said I should see this as more of a blessing that I can "feel for other people" the way that I do. Granted, it can be a beautiful thing to feel other people's pain, but a curse all at the same time.

One thing that I said I wanted to do this year was be genuine in the relationships that I am making and I feel as though I have. I have been making an effort to genuinely seek friendships and have that genuine love in spending time with them. Another goal that I would like to add to my list of this year is this, and you are more than welcome in helping pray that I attain this goal this school year:

• That the Lord would grant me patience and not just all of a sudden BAM I have patience, but I guess that He would give me more opportunities to be patient. I got a book from a friend and there was a chapter on patience that was simply amazing. It called patience the "act of slowing." This is such a good way to look at things.

I need to slow down my life and take time to simply "smell the roses" as some would put it. [Thus the reasoning for my current facebook profile picture] So what do I want patience for?? EVERYTHING! life, boys, relationships, family, personal spiritual growth, just patience to get through the day. I am such an impatient person and I need to try and fix that!

blah blah blah...you are probably sick of reading this babble, if people even read these lol

a new year

well...the new school year is fastly approaching...umm less then 2 hours away to be exact and i really don't feel as though i am ready to start just yet. this summer was AMAZING to say the least and i truly feel as though i grew not only as a person, but also spiritually. i saw God in so many unbelievable ways this summer it was mind-blowing: from working with the kids in Germany, to building houses in Mexico, leading my junior highers in their walk with the Lord this summer, doing an internship with my church and spending some legit quality time with my family that was much needed.

some things that i AM looking forward to are:

1- my first year as an RA and getting to know my residents :)
2- applying to be an ISP leader
3- seeing what things God will teach me this year
4- growing more in all aspects of life


there is seriously so much that i want to write, but i am already REALLY tired and school hasn't even started yet haha...wish me luck in my first day of class!


xoxo

MoP

deutschland return

So Germany was amazing! God did GREAT things there and I was definitely stretched on that trip. There is too much to write, just know that God truly had a hand in everything that we did there. One of the most beautiful things is feeling as though you are truly living your life the way that God wants you too. That feeling was felt numerous times in Germany. If you have questions and want to know more than feel free to write to me and ask, but besides that, all I can say is this: GOD IS SO GOOD:)

guten nacht<3

Destination: Germany

Well, my ISP team leaves Tuesday the 6th from the Globe at CBU at 3:30 PM if anyone wants to go see us at our departure! We are heading to Munich, Germany where we are putting on all different types of sports camps...please pray for us while we are gone. We get back on the 26th :)

The Final Push

Tomorrow is officially my last day as a sophomore. Wow. Weird feeling. I don't know if you read in my first blog about the overwhelming feelings that are experienced during this last week of finals, but I decided right now as I sit in my apartment alone and have what some would call "emo" music playing, that I am really sad. I thought that I would be REALLY excited that summer is here, but to tell you the truth; I am really sad. I realized how many of my friends are graduating and that makes my heart so sad; most of them are not from around here and that makes it even worse. Another thing that I hate is that I have started to make a lot of really good friends in this "last stretch" of school and now that we are finally getting close, they have to leave. What the heck?? Is anyone else starting to feel this way??? Am I all alone on this?? Maybe it's because i'm a girl...which means i'm emotional haha

Realizing death is closer than I thought it could be

So I was driving home tonight around 10:45 and THE scariest thing ever happened! I was in the lane next to the fast lane, right near box springs (which is an exit in my hometown)...and the stupid car in front of me decided to swirve totally out of nowhere without giving any signal or sign in advance...at the time I was thinking, "what was that all about?"
Then I saw that there was a fatty washing machine in the middle of the lane and realized if I hit that large mass, I was going to flip my little civic and roll into the ditch! There was a car on either side of me; so I looked at the guy on the left with a second to decide before something terrible happened and I think he saw the look of sheer fear and panic go across my face becasue he immediately slowed WAYYYY down so that I could swirve; BARELY missing that washer!

Man-oh-man. That was scary. Don't worry, I called the cops to report the missing washer in case they wanted to come and pick it up to save other people from possibly hitting it causing them to run home and blog about it too. If I was that scared, I can only imagine what the car in front of me was thinking. All I know is that as all this was happening, I remembered that Mical had already said goodnight, Hillary knew that I went home for the night so she wouldn't be expecting me back at school, and my mom was already in bed. That meant that no one would have known I died until the morning when my mom woke up and noticed me missing. Okay, so this is a farely dramatic blog: so what? I was scared and this is the only way I can truly make you feel as though you were right there with me :)

Late Night Life

Okkk so the time is 4:31am and I am STILL awake. What is that? I am a person that normally does not function well on less than 6 hours of sleep at night. What am I talking about? That's a lie. I do not function well on less than 8 hours of sleep a night and if I can sleep for more than that I am always more than willing to jump at that chance. Ask my best friend Mical. Or should I say my mom. She has to drag me out of bed every morning. I really don't know what I would do without that girl. [I love you Cal].

Anyways, I am up and it is already a new day and the only reason that I am still up at this late hour is because Caitlin and I have to study for a final that will probably still kick our butt tomorrow. I admit, we have been distracted by quite stimulating AIM conversations, but we have still been studying to say the least.

So why the blog if I have so much to do? Hmmmmm....good question. I don't even know if people actually read these things. There is a little box that says "PROFILE VIEWS" and the number is well into the 20's, which would seem to be a good thing considering that I just made this thing last night, but is that number even acurrate? I have NO idea. I click the refresh button and the number increases. So the amount of times that I look at my own page must be included in this number.

Important Things I learned today

1. Sometimes getting lost in a two hour conversation about life is better than taking that time to study...you'll remember your conversations with your friends more than you will remember some "facts" you learned for some final, for some class you took for some year in college.
2. People can surprise you. Testimonies are fascinating to me. That old saying "never judge a book by its cover" rang true today...
3. Although I have recently been on a little thing that texting, AIM, and other forms of communication, besides in person, are impersonal; I have found that AIM can be a sufficient way to get to know someone. Yes, I do think that one still needs to have actual, face-to-face interaction with people, but the internet is still a sufficient means for these purposes.
4. Lastly, going to Denny's at 3 in the morning is so much better than the time that most "normal" people would go and for the following reasons: there is hardly anyone there to interrupt the conversation, food is served faster which means that it is hotter, your drink is constantly being refilled before you get a chance to finish the first cup because you have the waiter's full attention since no one else is around, you leave the restaurant expecting an empty parking lot, only to find that there is quite a long line of people ready to set up their flea market stands so in an attempt to bypass this 4-in-the-morning traffic, you are only slowed down by the extremely slow driver that has no idea his parking lights are on instead of his headlights, but most of all, because some of the best memories are made after midnight. :)

The end approaching

As I approach the end of my second year in college, I find myself full of a variety of different emotions: anxious, happy, stressed, sad and many other words that are not coming to mind due to the fact that my brain is complete mush in this season of finals.

Even though I am only going to be a junior, I feel as though I am at a point in my life where I have a lot of important decisions to make that will dictate my future. It's a scary thought: my future. I recently turned 20 and in turning another year older, I feel a sense of doubt in "life after college." Have I chosen the right major, am I taking the right classes to graduate on time, am I really trusting in the Lord and being faithful in making all my decisions glorifying to Him? When I sit here in my living room by myself, I feel as though all these questions are consuming my mind. I hate the feeling of an uneasy mind. It's the type of thing that makes me toss and turn while laying (laying, lying; who knows? I don't think I listened that year in English) in bed, unable to fall asleep because I have so many thoughts running through my mind.

Well anyway, I am unsure how this whole "blog" thing works. My inspiration to write was because of Courtney Weatherly and her amazing blogspot. Pretty much she is one of the coolest girls on campus and guess what boys? she is SINGLE!!! hollaaaaa:) okk I am going back to my "study" mode where I atttempt to do homework and study for finals, but constantly get sucked into some AIM conversation.


xoxo<3 Mo