october 2, 2008

I blogged on this day, last year, about a prayer that I had. It was about a song by Brandon Heath:

"...Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten..."

Over the course of the past few months I have definitely seen God answering this prayer from various little things He was showing me in my life and the life of others, but then I was a camp counselor this past weekend. Yeahhh. Let me just say this: God answered this prayer from a few months ago in ways I don't think I even wanted Him too. I guess it's true that you should be careful what you pray for.

~He showed me the immense pain in other people's lives

~He definitely gave me a new love for these kids I work with from everything I learned and was told during our group discussions

~I had a girl cry harder than I have seen anyone cry in my arms for nearly an hour. The type of cry where if I let go she would have definitely fallen to the ground

~I had those "difficult" kids that have been so far-reached from all of us that it seemed impossible to reach them actually open up in personal conversation and admit all the "sins" in their life: that conversation also ended in tears


I can give more and more examples from this past weekend, but this is just a blog and not a book that I am writing. Lets just say God gave me His eyes this past weekend and even though I am truly thankful for everything that happened up in those mountains, I am also left with this pain in my heart for everything that I saw. It made me think how hurt God must feel. I felt so much guilt for everything that I have done in the past because if me, being just a simple person, felt so much heartache for these kids, I can't even begin to imagine how God feels everyday. I'm not gunna lie: this weekend was one of the hardest ones for me. I feel so emotionally drained.

Please pray for all the kids that were up at that camp. God was definitely doing things and I know He will continue to do things, but I am just afraid some of these kids were on a "church camp high" and I don't want the things that were talked about up on that mountain to be forgotten about just because now we are down the mountain.