calm my anxious heart

I have a list of books that I hope to read this break and the first one I started is called Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman's Guide to Finding Contentment by Linda Dillow. The reason I chose to read this one first is because I feel as though even though I have developed more patience over the semester, that didn't mean I was necessarily content with the way things were turning out. So far, this book has been amazing. There was a little story that was in it that really put God's control in my life in perspective so I thought I would share it with you:

"I need oil," said an ancient monk, so he planted an olive sapling. "Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain so that its tender roots may drink and swell. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. "Lord," prayed the monk, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray thee." And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. "Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost, but at evening it died.

Then the monk sought the cell of a brother monk and told his strange experience. "I, too, planted a little tree," he said, "and see! It thrives well. But I entrust my tree to God. He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me. I laid no condition. I fixed not ways or means. 'Lord, send what it needs,' I prayed, 'storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. Thou hast made it and Thou dost know'" (P.19).


This story was so good for me to hear because it reminded me of how often I pray for what I think I need, when really I should be praying for God to send me what He knows I need. He knows me better than I ever will and I love the quote: "He who made it knows better what it needs than a man like me." This is what God is telling me every day:

"Morgan, let Me be the Blessed Controller. Surrender. Accept my timing. Accept my ways. Accept my outcome. Let your trust be in Me alone. Morgan, make secret choices that will honor Me. Though no one sees your choices or knows how difficult they are, make them for Me."

a stir in me

I have been meaning to blog for a few days now, but I have been super busy with the most random things. I know, I know; break is a time of rest and relaxation, but that has not been the case.

Random things in the past few days:

1)I got so emotional leaving CBU for this CHRISTmas break for some reason. As I was packing things up and checking girls out, I really felt God stirring something in my heart. I can't quite figure out what yet, but I feel like even though I am not done with this school year, last semester was a closing of some chapter in my life and next semester will be the start of a new one. That sounds weird. I don't know what was going on, but I kinda got choked up and may have cried before I left, may have... :)

2)Running in the rain yesterday was simply amazing and I have come to the conclusion that I think I like running in the rain better than in the sunshine. Even though it was absolutely freezing, I loved the feeling of running with the rain hitting my face; being outdoors just seems to speak to me.

3)We celebrated CHRISTmas tonight since we are leaving and I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing the look on people's faces as they open gifts. That brings joy to my heart.


So these are just a few of the things, I wish I had my journal with me so I could write more of the things that I wanted to. Please keep my family in prayer as we travel to northern california. We keep hearing that the roads are rough and we don't want to get stranded, although I keep telling my family that would be awesome. OK so maybe a little cold and cramped, but what a great story to tell. I think I texted most of my friends saying Merry Early CHRISTmas, but if not: MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I am turning my phone off again until next Tuesday night.

a season of "wooing"

Wooing. To "woo" someone is a verb; an action where someone is seeking to find affection with another individual and according to Webster, it usually ends in marriage. I always thought this was a funny word, but the thought of being "wooed" is actually rather intimate and personal.

Some of you may know that this semester I stepped out of my normal "personal" boundaries and actually let someone start to woo me. I have never been good with letting people in, out of fear of getting hurt, but this semester I did. I let someone pursue the thought of getting to know me on a more intimate level and I must say, that the pure thought that knowing someone so desperately wants to get to know you because they want to be with you forever is simply breathtaking. It's that type of thing where your heart kind of skips a beat when you know that someone truly desires to know your desires and makes an effort at speaking to you in your own love language.

I let this person take me out on weekly dates just the two of us and I truly seeked getting to know Him better too. [If the suspense is killing you as to who this mystery man is, just be patient...that is something that I have learned this semester; patience.] Anyways, tonight I took a break from studying and went on my last weekly date before the winter break with this man. It was simply amazing. We walked around the plaza drinking coffee and talking about, well personal stuff, and then ended the night in the Word. I don't know if I have ever felt more spoken to in awhile. OK OK, you have probably figured out that this mystery man is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by my capital "Him's" and talk of "seeking" each other; sorry, I just had to start this thing out a little more creative.

The point of this is: God is a God that truly seeks to be the lover of our souls. He wants to know the depths of us and our inner-most desires. He wants to be the center of our life and talk to us constantly throughout the day, not just before meals and as you crawl into bed. Getting to know Him this semester on an intimate level was seriously the most amazing thing I could have ever challenged myself to do. Talk about being "wooed," He is the ULTIMATE wooer; if that is even a word. Currently, as talked about in my previous blog, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing is my favorite song. I have been researching and breaking down every line in that song, trying to figure out why it has been sticking out to me. While on tonights little date, that song played to my heart instead of my head through my little, pink headphones. This is the main part that I heard: Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee...here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for the courts above. Then I realized; I am in love with this song because this is my desire: I want God to bind my heart to His, like a fetter. [a fetter are those iron shackles that were put around prisoners feet as to ensure they could not run away]. I want to give Him my heart and make sure that He helps me take care of it for when I go home to Him.

We are commanded to "guard our hearts for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23), but I don't think that meant to guard our hearts from Him. I know so many people that stay guarded even in their prayers out of fear that God will see them for who they really are or something crazy like that, let me tell you a secret: HE ALREADY KNOWS. Open up and let Him in. Embrace the love He so longingly wants to give you and allow for Him to change you into the woman or man that you are supposed to become in His image.

Better yet: Let Him take you out on a date. Say "yes" because He wants to woo you, now you just have to let Him...

my ebenezer

Come Thou Font of Every Blessing.

This was a hymn written in 1758 by a man named Robert Robinson. I don't know if everyone has heard this song, but it stresses the joy of Christianity and the immense need for Christians to rely fully on the Lord. One of the verses in this hymn says, "Here I raise my ebenezer." What in the heck is that? I mean sometimes we sing this in church, but the first thing that comes to my mind is Ebenezer Scrooge and the story of Christmas. I think this is what first spurred my interest.

Anyway, the term ebenezer means: my rock or stone of help. This verse about ebenezer in the hymn is actually a quote from 1 Samuel and it is describing the battle between the Philistines and the Israelites and long-story short, Samuel raises a stone that he calls ebenezer, to remind his people of how God was faithful in helping them in battle.

So how does this apply to me writing this blog? I think that with this season of finals and busy-ness of life that I feel caught up in, today God graciously gave me some amazing alone time with Him in the prayer chapel and in reading the Bible they have in there, I was reminded that no matter what happens in life, finals, school, whatever, God will always be faithful in helping me with whatever "Battles" I may be in.

In light of the Christmas season, I bought a new Bible today [along with a new bible highlighter, which is basically a more expensive colored pencil] and realized that my Bible, is my version of Samuel's ebenezer. Any time that I feel down or impatient or simply need something to put my problems or fears on, I can look at my Bible and be reminded of all the promises that are in it. The Bible is a tangible object that represents my rock, my stone of help, my ebenezer: my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus.

i like this version, very calming: